Happy Friday! It's the weekend and a lot of people will be going out. Many will be going out on dates... But how many people will actually be going out with serious intentions of finding something real and lasting? My assumption is that most people are looking for love. They are looking for something long term or lasting. Given this assumption, I have a theory on physical attraction and dating...
Let's imagine a diagram shaped like a diamond (see video below). This diamond is broken into three parts: the top part that comes to a narrow point, the bottom part that also comes to a narrow point, and the middle part, which is the fattest part and takes up most of the diamond's space. When we meet people of the opposite sex (or whatever team we are attracted to) we have an instinctual tendency to categorize them based on physical attraction (we also have an instinctual tendency to make subconscious judgements based on their appearance, but let's get back on track). Most of the people we meet will be what we consider average in appearance, average or somewhat attractive. This group belongs in the middle part of the diamond. Then there are those that we meet that we are not attracted to whatsoever. No attraction at all. This group will be filtered to the bottom of our diamond. Finally, there are those we meet that upon first glance our eyes dilate, our hearts beat a bit faster. We are immediately very attracted. This group is filtered to our highest part of the diamond.
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Now here's the catch. Attraction can increase or decrease based on what we learn about others as we get to know them. Someone we may have placed in our middle or average group can move up or down in attraction, and can even gradually be filtered into one of the other tiers. Someone we may have placed in our top tier group may move down, even to our lowest tier, or up more to the highest point of the diamond (but this last part is extremely rare). Unfortunately, even though those we place in our bottom group can "grow on us", the attraction (or lack thereof) will never grow on us. They will always stay in the bottom group.
But there's good news! We are all unique individuals. We have our diverse perspectives, tastes, styles, likes or dislikes, favorites, priorities, backgrounds, experiences, etc. What one person may categorize as their top tier, another may categorize in their middle tier. What one person may categorize in their bottom, another may have in their middle or even top (so they have a chance)! You see how this all works...
In my life I have had many experiences with this theory in action. I am a really picky person, so I don't filter to my highest group very often. At all. It's an extremely rare occasion that I will filter someone to my highest tier, and even more rare that he will maintain that status. More often than not, in my experience, they move down. Can you think of a time where you've had experience with this theory? Have you ever met someone that you were very attracted to, but upon getting to know them better, they lost their high tiered status? How about those middle tiered people? Has someone grown more attractive to you after getting to know them better? How much has personality played a role in one's attractiveness? And for the bottom group, has there ever been a person that no matter how awesome or kind or full of personality they've been, or how much you wished you could feel the attraction for them, you just didn't?
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How do you feel other people are likely to filter you? Maybe it just depends on the person, right? Or maybe you tend to get filtered a certain way?
Upon reading this, I hope you will go into the weekend and all your socializing with this theory in the forefront of your mind. Pay attention to those you meet, ask questions to get to know them better. If you are truly looking for love, maybe you will have an improved filter for who should really be in your top group?
So many questions and things to think about... I will share more on this topic in future posts. Stay tuned, Friends.
Happy Weekend!
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